This one time I was a secretary for 6 weeks

From the Livejournal archives: "Today I installed a filter for my boss's Blackberry e-mail. Apparently, he's been getting 400 e-mails a day that 'even a murderer couldn't look at.'"

Let me elaborate.

"Kelly, I need to stop these e-mails from coming into my Blackberry, I mean, this is really ridiculous, I'm getting 20 e-mails a minute. I can't function like this. I don't know what e-mails to read anymore. Call T-Mobile and complain. Why are they sending these e-mails to me? Ridiculous."

Basically he wanted me to yell at T-mobile till they became the internet and deleted all spam. I found this terrifying because A. I don't like calling strangers B. I don't like yelling at people for no reason and C. I don't totally understand Blackberries or their e-mail, so what he was telling me to do could have been exactly what needed to be done.


As was my understanding, T-Mobile was not his e-mail service, it was his phone service, and they just allowed whatever office mail he received to go to his Blackberry inbox.I had a feeling yelling at innocent T-Mobile employees to change his internetz inbox was not the correct answer.

He might as well of asked "Kelly, can you drive to united_billharris@yahoo.com.hk's house, hold a gun to his dog's head, and tell him that I sent you and that this is for that motherfucking Viagra message before you blow his pooch's brains all over the living room carpet?" or "Kelly, can you travel through time and meet each e-mailer at a crucial point in his or her life and direct them to a mysterious island where they will play as pawns in an omniscient being's karmic game, instead of send me trash e-mails?" or just "Kelly, can you travel through the computer on a golden unicorn across the sea of bandwidth and do battle with each unwanted e-mail to protect the honor of my in-box?"

After summoning 3 out of 7 of my animal spirits, calmly calling T-Mobile, being put on hold, and getting told that what he was asking for was bizarre and impossible, the customer service rep suggested I try installing an e-mail filter and directed me to a lovely program. While the e-mail filter didn't stop all the spam - Bossman was still complaining, I like to think it helped some.

Blocked words: penis; mortgage; sluts; teenage; teens; horny; pills; bestiality; twin towers; cock; cocks; dick;dicks, Valium; fuck; fucked; fucking; fvcked; cum; cumming; hardcore; debt; pussy; cunt; xanax; Paris Hilton