Hate this blog

This one right here.

i want to eat a jar of olives

me: johnny got a costco card
Merrick: NOOO
me: all i want to buy from costco is cases of redbull
coca cola in bottle
and cin toast crunch
Merrick: WE go to costco together
not u and him
me: i have not been there with him
i just give shopping input
sugar amphetamine water and cereal
i go to costco with you
Merrick: ok good

Birds at work

There's some new finch babies in the aviary at my work. I do not work at a zoo. An aviary in your business is like tropical fishtank 3.0.

These finches are rare, and babies in captivity are more rare. There are two babies. They will grow bright feathers when they're 6 months. Now they're laying low in some muted greens.


Too Cute! They look so squeezable!They were hanging out at the bottom because some jerk bird was picking at them up top.

Jerk.

This is the only time I saw my favortite top secret canary out. They're eating egg yolk.
They don't know - soylent yolk is birds!

I love this canary.

Don't say I never did anything for you

John Mayer

In regards to his Playboy interview:

I was most surprised to find out that he used the term "Benetton heart" and that he knew who David Duke was.

One time I was a secretary for 6 weeks

The first week I shared an office with an ex-sorority girl who liked to binge drink. I liked Krystal because she was sassy and confident. She told me gossip and said the guys we worked for were creeps and on my first Friday, she went down to give Pam the rent check and never returned.

I knew she wasn't coming back, but I didn't know why she didn't give two weeks. She left her belongings -snack stash, track jacket, sweater, a couple pictures, because she didn't want to make it clear she had walked out. I agreed not to say anything.
Krystal dropped the check at 10:30 and in 15 minutes she wasn't back. One of our bosses Matt asked about her. "Where's Krystal?"
"Oh, she took the rent check downstairs a little bit ago."
"She's not back yet?"
"No, maybe shes talking with Pam."

At 11:00, Matt asked for Krystal again.
"She's not back yet???"
I shrugged.
"Did she say she was leaving?"
"No."
"Maybe she went to get lunch. This is weird. I'm going to call her. If she's getting lunch anyway, then she can bring me back something."

11:05
"No answer! This is so weird! Where is she? Her stuff is here. Where did she go?"
Matt was already kind of high strung, so it didn't take long for him to start getting annoying.
"Can you try calling her, this is really weird. WHAT IS GOING ON?"
I tried calling her.
"Hey Krystal, Matt is looking for you...yeah, he doesn't understand what's going on. It's funny....I won't say anything. Bye."

11:15
"Did you get a hold of her?"
"No Matt, sorry."
"Did she quit? Why did she leave her stuff here? I think she quit."
"I don't know. It would be really weird for her to quit like that. Maybe she just took a long lunch. I'll let you know if I hear from her." I enjoyed being being comforting and clueless.

11:20
"Have you heard from her?"

11:30
"Why would she just walk out. She's missing out on two days pay? I DON'T UNDERSTAND."

11:35
To Matt: "I don't think Krystal would really do that. It just seems so weird. She's probably taking a long lunch."
To Krystal: "Hi Krystal... he's still looking for you. He's really frantic...Ha ha ha, well, good luck to you."

12:00
"Well she's not getting her last two days of pay. Why did she just leave? Why didn't she give any notice?"
"I don't know, Matt. That is weird. I hope nothing happened to her. Maybe she'll turn up this afternoon."

Sometimes I really really really enjoy them

The comments for this Steely Dan song are so dope right now.

I love Bad Girls

All kinds!




I like the first season of Bad Girls Club. I like the movie with 4 Bad Girls who are outside the law in the old west (wearing period clothing!). Recently I discovered more Bad Girls to love. And the characters live in one of my favorite bad girl places of all time....LADY JAIL!

Uh, fictional Lady Jail, of course. Fictional Lady Jail is tough, sexy, full of camaraderie and great hair cuts.

I've only seen 3 episodes of this show, all out of order, but I'm hooked!

http://www.badgirls.co.uk/

Update

This afternoon's conference call went fine. I didn't even touch myself.

Conference calls

make me nervous! I can't see anyone's face. I can't read their eyes. How am I being received??? Conference calls also make me bored. If I'm on a conference call, I always shut my office door. Then, odds are that while I'm on the phone with you, I'm nervously clutching at my genitals and trying not to wish I was dead.

Genius can be so lonely

The Net. My beloved was kind enough to check out the public library's VHS copy. There was actually quite a wait for it. And yet no one I knew cared to watch it with me. So, here is what I love about this movie, and possibly what the creep who checked this out before me loves about it.

1. Sandra Bullock. Once upon a time I said she was my favorite actress because she was so perfectly mediocre. One should understand that to call her perfect is actually inaccurate because to be perfectly mediocre, she'd have to be mediocre at being mediocre. But she was better than mediocre, so she wasn't the perfect example of mediocre, so that means she actually WAS the best at being mediocre. She was great to watch - a likable and capable actress in unremarkable roles that she executed perfectly. Just delightfully bland and comfortable, like a blissful hour of sitting still in your own tepid bathwater.

2. I find the computer screens and commands to be refreshingly accurate. And in the flashes of DOS command screens, I think I saw Crystal Castles.

3. Angela is not saved by a man, and she ends up alone.

4. Angela does smart stuff!

5. The evil British man says "clever girl."

6. Remember when Dennis Miller was in movies? Yeah? He's in this one.

7. Angela's clothes suck and she is always showing off her mid-drift.

8. Carnival chase scene! There's a merry-go-round! Love 'em! Ooh, remember The Crush? And what's that other campy thriller...Strangers on a Train.

9. This movie is still relevant today! As Angela Bennett says, "Just think about it. Our whole world is sitting there on a computer. It's in the computer, everything: your, your DMV records, your, your social security, your credit cards, your medical records. It's all right there. Everyone is stored in there. It's like this little electronic shadow on each and everyone of us, just, just begging for someone to screw with, and you know what? They've done it to me, and you know what? They're gonna do it to you."

This too, can be yours

http://www.etsy.com/shop/COZYHORSE

Just lovin' that dog's head wrapped in a blanket.

No line on the horizon?

It's not Chicago if I don't hear U2 on the radio within 20 minutes, every 20 minutes.

Lessons I have to keep on learning

Don't pick ingrown hairs till they've matured. Premature ingrown hairs are the gift that keeps on giving, but the gift is puss. Let it go.

Legitimate question

Are humans the only animals that hate themselves?