Do you know how many times I go to the bathroom and find my underwear is inside out?

You don't.

Y'all just don't know

The kinds of e-mails my dad sends me. I don't know if they're all forwards because he doesn't know how to type or what. A sample selection of titles I forgot to delete from my inbox:
Very Quietly Obama's Citizenship case Reaches the Supreme Court
U.S. Postal Tip (has something to do with "in god we trust")
How did Jefferson know?
The Natives Seem Restless
REAL OBAMA
California vs Arizona
This is so true!

Those weren't that cool. I deleted the other ones. I guess because I wanted to destroy them after reading.

Dream summery

I dreamed I was invited to a party for Pavement being thrown in a band member's parent's basement. It was a small party. I didn't understand why they invited me, because I don't know them, but I went anyway because...fucking Pavement invited me to their party! They said they knew me and that I had totally influenced the band, which didn't make any sense, because I was a child when that first album came out. They all thought they were failures - "We've never gotten past being a good bar band!" - but I assured them they were actually great successes. Then we played hide and go seek all over the neighbor and I think one of them had a crush on me, but I wasn't into it.

The biggest crybaby show

Cupcake Wars! It's on food network. 25 - 75% of contestants cry while they are on it, much like babies. Crying babies. Also, everyone seems to think red velvet cupcakes are a secret weapon.

I think all your food pictures are creepy.

There, I said it.

The world is my teacher

Today I learned how Dippin' Dots are made.

Life is not fair

Why couldn't Bill Cosby die instead of Richard Pryor?